Written by Don Pitz. Illustrations by Seth Melton. Seth Melton is available for hire. You can find more of his work at meltonium.com
Last episode, The League of Bad Guys made a robot to pose as former Kansas City Chiefs wide receiver Stephone Paige to join the All Stars for a basketball game benefiting children with cancer. The robot was designed to teach the kids to eat junk food and stop exercising. That matter has since been resolved.
Pops Mensah-Bonsu asks, "What's a hen weigh?"
"About 5 pounds" says Gary. They all laugh together. Gary exits.
The ghost of Yinka Dare appears before them. "GW All Stars, the world needs your help! We received a letter from our pen pal, Bojan in Slovenia."
"What's a Slovenia?" asks Pops Mensah-Bonsu.
"Oh, Pops" says Mike Hall. "Slovenia isn't a thing. It's a country in central Europe, formerly a part of Yugoslavia. Bojan Androjna is a 10-year-old boy that lives there and started writing us letters last year. We've inspired him to play basketball and to do well in school. Yinka, is something wrong with Bojan?"
"Actually, it's good news", says the ghost of Yinka Dare. "Bojan has convinced the city council of his hometown, Ljubljana, to erect a statue in your honor".
"That's great!" says Mike Brown. "It's hard to complain about getting a statue made in your honor. However, I wish all the cities in this world that have built us statues would dedicate that money to more nutrition education instead. I don't want to get too political here, guys, but the children are our future."
"I understand,” says the ghost of Yinka Dare. "This is the price we pay for being world-famous. I told Bojan that you all would be happy to visit for the unveiling ceremony. I have you guys booked on a flight there tomorrow. Before you go, though - I know you guys really love education. So, I've invited Professor Henry Hale from GW. He's here to teach you guys about the culture and history of Slovenia."
Professor Henry Hale enters and teaches them about the culture and history of Slovenia.
"Why did Slovenian cross road?" asks Mr. Kim. "Because Mr. Kim told him to."
"Grongo smash Slovenian" says the mindless oaf Grongo.
"I agree with all of this,” says Comrade Chaos, in her thick Soviet accent. "I'm actually working on an evil plan in Slovenia as we speak. I convinced the mayor of Ljubljana to appoint me as their minister of education. I made all sorts of promises about improving test scores. They gave me ultimate power in this area."
"What good that do?" asks Mr. Kim.
"What good WILL that do," corrects Number One Bad Guy. "With her in place as minister of education, she's converted the schools into sweatshop factories."
"Yes," says Comrade Chaos. "The children toil away in my factories instead of learning. These factories make low-cost junk food to send to the children in the United States so they will become fat and lazy. It's really a foolproof plan. The best part is the GW All Stars can't do anything about it." They all laugh maniacally together.
The next day, the GW All Stars arrive in Slovenia to a hero’s welcome. Throngs gather around outside the airport just to catch a glimpse of them. The All Stars notice that there are no children in the crowd, except for their friend Bojan. Bojan runs up to greet them. “GW All Stars! This is really a dream come true. I’m so happy to see you!” Bojan then explains the whole situation. There is no statue being built for them. He made that up because he needs their help. He explains Comrade Chaos’ evil plan.
“Bojan, we hope you understand that you didn’t need to lie to us. We don’t need a statue built in our names. If you explained that you needed help defeating Comrade Chaos, we would have helped you” says Shawnta Rogers. “You’re our friend, and friends help each other.”
Bojan apologizes for deceiving them. “Don’t feel sorry” says Mike Hall. “We’ll still help you. We’ll go teach this minister of education a lesson.”
The GW All Stars go to the ministry of education headquarters to confront Comrade Chaos. She’s surrounded by five large goons wearing Soviet army uniforms, and she’s very upset to see them. She threatens to send Bojan to detention, which just means more work in the sweatshop.
“Your reign of terror ends now” says Mike Brown. “I challenge your goons to a game of basketball. If we win, you resign and the children go back to getting a proper education. If we lose, we leave.” Comrade Chaos accepts their challenge.
In the locker room before the game, the GW All Stars discuss their game plan. Bojan asks who will be their fifth player, and the All Stars decide it will be Bojan! They’ve watched his basketball videos that he sent them and they are very impressed by his fundamentals. They tell him that he reminds them of a young SirValiant Brown. Bojan is very excited to have his dream come true.
In Comrade Chaos’ locker room, the goons ask her how they could possibly beat the GW All Stars, and they thank her for believing in their skills. She tells them that she doesn’t believe in them, she believes in all the performance-enhancing drugs they’ve been taking. She thinks that they will gain a competitive advantage and the All Stars will leave her alone forever.
The arena at the game is filled with throngs of Slovenians. They are wild with energy. Their hopes and dreams are in the hands of the GW All Stars. The game proves to be a close one. Comrade Chaos’ goons aren’t playing fair and use a lot of cheap shots. In the final seconds of the first half, the goons gang up on Bojan as he’s driving down the lane for a lay-up and they hard foul him to the ground. The crowd gasps and Bojan is clearly hurt. The All Stars carry him to the locker room and the crowd is all very concerned. The doctor takes a look at his ankle and he is not healthy enough to keep playing.
Bojan becomes very upset with tears. He is very sorry that he let down his people and the All Stars. The All Stars are there to reassure him.
Bojan says “But what about the game? If I can’t keep playing, who will?”
A basketball rolls into the locker room. They all look to see who is there. It’s former GW basketball player, Sasha Koul!
“Mind if I play?” says Sasha Koul.
Will Sasha Koul help lead the GW All Stars to victory? Or will Comrade Chaos’ goons triumph? And for God’s sake, will somebody think of the children? What will happen next? Tune in next time to find out!
FIN.
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